Oh, hey everybody. It’s me, Paul Gallant. Sometimes, I think things. And it’s about time – at least on a weekly to bi-weekly basis – that I type them out.
I hate the Pre-Draft Process
How many of you are happy that all the pre NFL Draft bullsh*t is finally done with?
I know I sure am. The last few weeks looking for content to discuss on air has been just awful. It’s been like walking down the streets of medieval Europe. Turds to your left (rumors about a team looking to trade up or trade down), piss tossed out windows to your right (reports that certain teams are interested in certain players), and of course The Plague (columnists ghostwriting revealing “anonymous scout reports” that read like C- roast material) . . . it’s all f*cking terrible.
There’s no way to predict how this will turn out – no matter what some may tell you – but I’m having a hard time seeing a quarterback fall to the Texans at 25. Despite this, I’m hoping that the Texans DO NOT trade up to go after one. They have two HUGE needs – quarterback and tackle – in a draft that doesn’t seem to have much in either department. And they need all the picks they can get to fill those holes.
I do not share the same faith that Bill O’Brien and Rick Smith are publicly portraying to have for Tom Savage. But if he’s the starter next season, you can’t have Chris Clark at right tackle. The Bengals bungled him all Christmas Eve, making it impossible to determine if Savage is actually good . . . or bad. And while no one is particularly high on the offensive linemen in this year’s draft, the odds that one of the consensus top 3 falls to you at 25 – Ryan Ramczyk, Auburn’s Cam Robinson, or Utah’s Garrett Bolles – are high.
So I’m hoping the Texans take one in the first. I don’t care who. That’s for people who actually study offensive linemen them to figure out. Get a right tackle, figure out your quarterback situation in the second or third round, and keep as many of your picks as possible so you can build depth in the secondary and at other spots.
By the way, after watching one game for each of these guys against what I thought were good teams on Draft Breakdown.com extensive research, here’s how I’m feeling about the “top QBs” in the draft:
1. Deshaun Watson: Intangibles, winner, blah blah blah same old Tebow bullsh*t
2. Mitchell Trubisky: A little more seasoning/winning and he’d have probably been number 1
3. DeShone Kizer: I hate that I can sort of see what he was talking about here. VERY raw.
4. Patrick Mahomes: Cannon arms are cute, but being reckless isn’t
5. Davis Webb: Am I missing something here?
Beverley and Beer
I think we need to have a talk with Patrick Beverley about brews.
Bro, I’m not going to hate on Miller Lite. It’s a quality beer . . . but only compared to the rest of its class.
First, we need a “Mendoza Line” for beers. For me, I determine it this way. When I go out to a bar on the weekend, I’m typically out for a long period of time. DON’T JUDGE ME. I start by drinking the tastiest beers. And as the night wears on, I drink . . . more budget appropriate choices.
SERIOUSLY, STOP JUDGING ME.
Blue Moon. Guinness. Dos Equis. Corona. Shiners. And all the various local craft breweries. All are just a little more pricey than the average American domestic based off of my hazy bar experiences.
Below that? Beverley’s favorite beer in its appropriate class, complete with hastily made power rankings:
1. Lone Star
2. PBR
3. Yuengling
4. Miller
5. Coors
6. Keystone
7. Budweiser
8. Natural Ice
9. Busch
203,912. Red Dog
Hope Miller is paying you well, Pat.
PS – Who else is happy that we don’t have to hear anything about Russell Westbrook for the next few months? Between hot MVP takes, the glorification of triple doubles, and the media ignoring how terrible he played in the majority of 4th quarters, I’m glad we’re getting a vacation. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a great player, and when he isn’t playing selfish, inefficient, psycho-hero ball he’s sooo fun to watch. I’m just tired of hearing about him.
SPOILER ALERT
– I enjoyed the latest installment of Fast and Furious: Fate Of The Furious. Yes, Vin Diesel’s Dom Toretto is the most ridiculous movie character ever. He drops cheesy one liners left and right, owns an obnoxious amount of wife beaters, and doesn’t know how to drink a beer.
I suppose that’s not the worst way to drink if you lack koozies.
But that’s kind of why he – and this franchise – are so enjoyable. Think back on any Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Predator. Total Recall. And especially Commando. Were they “works of art”? No. But they were exactly what every action movie needs to be: filled with over the top stupid action and memorable quotes.
We don’t get a lot of that in theaters these days. Most action movies take themselves too seriously. Or, they’re yet another comic book superhero movie (which I have no problem with . . . there’s just soooooooo many every year). Or the 30th Michael Bay Transformers sequle. The Fast and Furious franchise is a throwback. Add The Rock and Jason Statham (by the way, they really just welcomed him into the gang knowing that he killed Han two movies ago? Uhhhhh wut? #Unrealistic #WhatAboutRememberingYourLifeAQuarterOfAMileAgo #FAMILY), plus comic relief from Tyrese, the occasional scene with Kurt Russell, and the chance to oogle at Missandei Nathalie Emmanuel, and you’ve got yourself a franchise that I’m willing pay to see in theaters.
– We’re 3 episodes into season 3 of AMC’s Better Call Saul (Mondays at 9 CT). And the problem from last season remains. It’s not that I don’t care how Jimmy McGill eventually becomes Saul. It’s that I care MORE about anything involving Mike Ehrmantraut, Gus Fring, and Hector Salamanca. And I’m frustrated that the show has split those two plot lines into their own separate worlds.
Any scenes involving that trio, and I get flashbacks to the greatness of Breaking Bad. But any scene involving Chuck McGill? I remember how much I hated Skyler White.
– I’d been looking for ANY show to hold me over while I wait for Game of Thrones season 7. After all, it’s starting in JULY. MID-JULY. &#$%. I thought it was an inalienable right for Paul Gallant to watch the best sporting event show on television every year in early April. Alas.
The Americans – Tuesdays at 9 on FX – piqued my interest. A Cold War era show about two Russian spies living as Americans, all the while engaged in an unwinnable war against the United States? Sold. I binge watched the crap out of it, and eventually caught up a couple of weeks ago.
Sadly, I’m regretting it a little bit. Maybe I’m not paying great attention to the show while watching it. But it has slowed down. And the only 2 things I really care about are 1. Paige slowly losing her sh*t as she deals with the reality of her parents being spies and 2. Oleg Burov and his return to Russia. I was always curious for a peak at what Russia was like during the Cold War. Or what Russia was like period. Because the only other somewhat-historical version of Russia I’ve seen was in the movie Stalingrad.
– Fargo – Wednesdays at 9 on FX – is 2 episodes into season 3. If you’re someone that feels overwhelmed by the concept of investing your time in this show, don’t be. It’s an anthology series, with each season BARELY related to the previous (I liked season 1 more than 2, but enjoyed both). There’s dark humor, suspense, and adorable Minnesota/Canadian accents. This year features Ewan McGregor playing feuding twins, plus a number of other actors that you’d probably recognize.
Next week, I’ll have quick episode breakdowns of the 3 shows above. (Assuming I actually stop being lazy and make this a weekly occurrence)
BEFORE I GO
Behold! The evolution of Bill Belichick swag. First we had half sleeve hoodies. Now? SLEEVES OFF. GUNS OUT. And a hood, in case your ears get cold! Dom Toretto would be proud!
Paul Gallant hosts “Gallant at Night” – Weeknights 7-11 PM CT – on SportsRadio 610. He also hosts SportsZone Unfiltered – Fridays at 10 PM – on The Kube: Channel 57. Get in touch with Paul via email or his facebook page.
